People have always told me that God will lead you down a path, and that you will know exactly what you are supposed to do when He shows you. To be quite honest, this was merely a cliche to me. Verses such as "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart" and "Seek and ye shall find" became robotic phrases that I would read over, but think nothing of them minutes later. I always knew God would lead me somewhere someday, but i was comfortable living the life I was used to. I made so many plans that fed the typical "American Dream" complete with a husband, two kids, and a small house in the country. I didn't have a vision, and i didn't have a dream. I simply went from day to day going through the motions physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually.
Last week, i went on my second mission trip to China. As i boarded the plane, i figured i was in for the typical trip. We would arrive, sight-see, visit friends, shop, do a little mission work, and then I would return home and go back to my normal routine. Little did I realize that God would stop me in my tracks, and completely transform my vision into a sudden, and completely terrifying passion for what I now saw.
I honestly have never felt like this before. It was like having the breath knocked out of you in a dizzying and exhilarating fashion. I felt God like I had never felt Him before, and it was as if every step I took He was saying "Here, Alaina. I want you here. Here."It stopped me in my tracks because this wasn't supposed to be my ministry. This was my Dad's ministry, his passion. I had spent the last five years listening to him talk about what I was feeling at that exact moment. Suddenly I understood exactly what he was talking about when he talked about having a burden for something.
I now had a burden for something. I had a burning passion to be completely immersed in the strange and absolutely intriguing culture that surrounded me now. I laid awake every night I was there planning on how I would get back. God had completely changed my life from wanting the American Dream, to wanting the precious dark headed population that now had become my heart. I knew no fear as God suddenly blinded me to the things I knew, and cast a light on the things I now couldn't live without. I felt like Paul on the road to Damascus when God blinded him by the light, and turned his whole life around.
The word excited pales in comparison to how i feel about this work that God did not lead me to, He literally pushed me into, and this newly found passion now consumes me in every facet of my life. I eat, sleep, and breath China, and my heart is literally breaking at the separation of it. I cried the last night I was there because i was not heading home, I was leaving my home.
If you have ever experienced God's firm direction, then you know how I feel. My thoughts are now consumed with how to get back, and I know that I will not be satisfied until my feet are firmly planted on Chinese soil. I am scared, I am elated, and I am 100% certain that i have found my own personal purified passion, and I am more than ready to embrace it.
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